Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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