ya dads aren't the best wingmen
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I still have a little drunk in my system
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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