I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you will always have a special place in my vag
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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