I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
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I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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