speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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