a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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