The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
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no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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