I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
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can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
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There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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