Where is the hickey?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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