Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
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Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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