so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
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But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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