dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
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apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
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New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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