Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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