Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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