I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
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All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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