So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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