twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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