I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize