you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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