The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
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DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dear god my vagina.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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