She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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