I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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