Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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