This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
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Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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