Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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