loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
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its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
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That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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