Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
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Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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