it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize