I want you more than these girls want KFC
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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