is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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