I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize