Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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