You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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