When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
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The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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