the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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