My pussy is not your playground.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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