put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
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I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
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