I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize