pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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