beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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