happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize