I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Randomize