I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize