Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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