I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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