Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
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