Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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