Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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