i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize