Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize